♥ Sunday, March 9, 2008
My Weekend Drama
I'm going through a not-so-pleasant phase at this moment. I wouldn't say worst cause I've gone through worse but what I had been going through since late last year is really not pleasant.
It's probably my 'quarter-life' crisis.
I was not happy with my job, i couldn't find that certain sense of self satisfaction in whatever I was up to - I basically felt empty somehow. As for matters of the heart, I shall not go there cause even I do not know what is going on now. Heh!
On second thought, I think I wanna blog about that - the emotional roller coaster ride. Let's not go into details cause it's really complicated.
So here goes - I was screaming for attention since mid last year. It felt into deaf ears and I became quite immune to it. I managed to find my own distractions - with the companies of friends, their listening ears somehow I managed to entertain myself.
Like what I keep telling my friends, I was sick of complaining the same old shit over and over again. Hence I decided to change things. I told myself it was time to think of myself. Too bad if I ended up hurting anyone cause I really have had it!
Few weeks after ushering 2008, I was back to the cheery me. People around me could tell that I looked happy. I was happy indeed. I felt like a princess and things were getting better. Or so I thought.
Thing is, I'm really clueless of what's really happening at this very moment. Suddenly I'm dealing with a cranky human being and without realising I'm walking back to my past.
I'm not confused. I know what I want and I've decided on that. I am just clueless and I am full of wonders.
Have I said or did something wrong? I hate it when I have all these question marks floating in my head especially when I thought everything was fine. For goodness sake, I am not a mind reader!
However, I'm not really surprised cause I was anticipating all these to happen. I didn't expect it to be abruptly though with no apparent reason at that. Perhaps I was caught off guard cause I thought quite highly of you. Wrong judgement I guess.
I'm more surprised at how I am taking all these weekend drama actually. I haven't shed a tear despite being overwhelmed by coldness and warmth at the same time. I feel more disappointed than hurt.
I realised that I'm becoming emotionless. That talk I had on Friday night didn't make me react the way I should have. My un-answered calls and messages are not affecting me the way it usually did.
Am I getting immune to all these or have I become numb? I don't wanna get used to all these shits cause it's not right. I wanna feel a little bit of pain at least. By that, I won't end up as a sadist or heartless human being.
Help! I don't wanna be that cold person!
Things happen for a reason
Blogged @ 11:18 PM
